1. Calming Down Is Not On The Menu

          Crazy Requests, Jerk, New Zealand, Restaurant |Right | July 7, 2020

          A customer has paid for his meals and left the restaurant before he comes storming back in up to the bar. He speaks briefly to a coworker before storming over to me in the middle of the seating area, where he looks me up and down.

          Customer: “You’re the supervisor tonight?”

          Me: “Yes, how can I help?”

          Customer: “My bill was $5 more expensive than it should have been.”

          Me: “If you follow me over to the counter, I’ll print out your bill and we can have a look at the issue.”

          Customer: “Your prices are wrong.”

          I do not want to have a conversation where we can disrupt other customers.

          Me: “Follow me up to the counter and I will sort it out there.”

          Customer: *Not moving* “[Item #1] and [Item #2] are different prices on your posters outside.”

          Me: *Admitting defeat* “I can assure you that [Item #1] is the same price. But yes, [Item #2] has gone up a few dollars. The poster states that the menu is subject to change and, as [Item #2] is currently out of season, we are paying higher prices which our menus have to reflect. However, the menu which you had on the table has the correct price.”

          Customer: “You need to change the poster!”

          Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the posters cost a lot to make; that’s why we have ‘subject to change’ written on them, and we update our table menus. The price you’ve noticed is the only change we’ve had recently. Would you like me to refund you the difference?”

          By this stage, the customer is right in my face.

          Customer: “It’s not about the money; it’s about the ethics. Change the poster!”

          I look around at a full restaurant that I should be serving.

          Me: “That’s something I can’t do right now, but I will discuss it with the owner tomorrow.”

          Customer: “CHANGE THE MENU!”

          He’s now yelling in my face so aggressively I can feel his spit, and other customers are staring.

          Me: “Sir, I can offer you a refund. If that isn’t what you would like, you can call the restaurant tomorrow and speak with the owner. I cannot change the poster right now, and as the price is correct in the table menus, it’s not my priority.”

          Customer: *Yelling in my face* “YOU’RE A THIEF! CHANGE THE MENU!”

          The customer stormed out, stopping only to angrily check the prices at the table, which he must have seen as correct. I was left to apologise to all the customers around us before trying to wash the spray of spit off my face. The customer’s wife left a terrible review stating how rude I was, and that I was a con artist and a thief, all over $4.

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          This Conversation Will Cycle Until Britain Has An Empire Again

          Extra Stupid, Geography, Grocery Store, USA, Virginia |Right | July 7, 2020

          I often wear a necklace sold by my favorite band to work. The necklace is an Australian one-cent coin along with a charm of the band’s logo. Customers will sometimes ask me about the necklace, or if they recognize it, will start talking about the band. Most customers understand my explanation of the coin, but this customer takes the cake.

          Me: “Hello.”

          I go through the spiel as I scan groceries.

          Customer: “What’s that you’re wearing?”

          Me: “Oh, it’s an Australian penny. My favorite band is Australian and they sell these necklaces.”

          Customer: “Really? I thought that was Queen Elizabeth on it.”

          Me: “It is Queen Elizabeth. It’s an Australian coin.”

          Customer: “But it has Queen Elizabeth on it.”

          Me: “Yes, Australia is part of the British Commonwealth.”

          Customer: *Pause* “Are you Australian?”

          Me: “No, but my favorite band is. They sell these necklaces to symbolize that you’re priceless. I think the proceeds go to help fight human trafficking.”

          Customer: “But it has Queen Elizabeth on it.”

          Me: “Yes, it does.”

          The customer didn’t say anything else the rest of the time, but she did look extremely confused. I thought it was common knowledge that Australia was a part of the British Commonwealth.

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          Maybe He’s A Vulcan?

          Jerk, Pet Store, Religion, Tennessee, USA |Right | July 7, 2020

          I have recently transferred to a new store, stepping down from my old position to a new one where I run the truck and stock. This is largely due to the burnout I am experiencing with customers. My patience has worn down to almost nothing over the years, and it shows.

          One day, the cashier pages for a manager, and I walk to the front.

          Me: “How can I help you?”

          Customer: “Let me tell you something: your cashier has an attitude! And when people get an attitude with me, I get an attitude with them!”

          Me: “Okay.” *To the cashier* “What’s the problem here?”

          Cashier: “He wants to exchange these two items.”

          Me: “All right. Sir, I’ll take you over at this register, and we can exchange them over here.”

          The customer huffs and fusses the whole time I have him at the register, refusing to tell me what exactly my cashier did that ticked him off so much. Eventually, another manager arrives on the scene.

          Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

          Me: “He says [Cashier] has an attitude problem.”

          Customer: “Your cashier said I’m not logical! He insulted me!”

          Manager: “That’s terrible, sir. I’ll be sure to have a talk with him.”

          Customer: “I want him written up!”

          Manager: “Sure thing, sir. I’ll definitely have him written up.”

          Customer: “Let me tell you something. I asked him why [the exchanged items] were different prices, and he said he didn’t know, and he cracked a joke about ‘some things not being logical’! He insulted me! I’m a minister, you know! Why doesn’t he know why the prices are different?”

          Manager: “He’s new, sir. I’ll be sure to deal with him. He’s actually a minister, too. Isn’t that interesting?”

          Customer: “I want corporate’s number! I’m going to go all over social media about this. This is the worst customer service I have ever seen! I want that man to apologize to me!”

          The other manager actually agrees and swaps me with the cashier so the three of them can talk near the office. Our cashier apologizes, assuring the customer that he misread the situation and cracked a joke about CORPORATE not being logical with their pricing, but the customer is having none of it.

          Customer: “Your manager here says that you’re a minister?”

          Cashier: “Yes, sir.”

          Customer: “Well, people like you give us Christians a bad name! I have some serious doubts about your salvation!”

          Cashier: “Well… I forgive you.”

          He walked away. The customer eventually left, still fussing and threatening to “go to social media.” He took his wife with him, who had been silent throughout the whole event and looked completely dead inside. Our cashier did not get written up, but he did become a bit of a legend among his coworkers.

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          You Can’t Mask That Face

          At The Checkout, Current Events, Grocery Store, Ignoring & Inattentive, Massachusetts, USA |Right | July 7, 2020

          We’ve changed where people wait in line in order to give plenty of space between customers and staff for health reasons. Yes, we have tons of signs, but no, customers don’t read them. 

          This customer approaches our lane to unload, but my coworker is still cleaning it.

          Me: *Pointing* “Sir, you’re actually going to wait there by the big orange arrow, and we’ll call you over when we’re ready.”

          The customer looks confused and puts a hand around his ear in the “I can’t hear you” gesture. I’m talking very loudly — I have stage training and know how to enunciate — but I am on the other side of the bag stand and wearing a mask.

          Coworker: *Even louder* “You need to wait over there until we call you!”

          Customer: *Extremely upset* “Well, there’s no reason to yell at me! I just couldn’t hear!”

          I, along with another coworker and the shift leader who came over to make sure there wasn’t trouble all reply at the same time:

          Us: “That’s exactly why I/she had to yell!”

          I was hoping that wearing a mask from the eyes down would get rid of the concept of “resting b**** face” but apparently, it’s just mutated into the vocal cords.

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          This Is Not Her Turf

          Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Maryland, Restaurant, USA |Right | July 6, 2020

          This happens a few years ago at a former job. I am out to dinner with my coworkers for our annual holiday-season dinner out. We are at a rather pricey, high-toned steakhouse. I am at one end of the table and one of the managers is at the other end, seated next to the office receptionist, a person who can be as dim as a starless night. I hear her order the surf and turf special: two lobster tails and a fillet steak. When our orders come, I see her look down at her plate in puzzlement. She gets the server’s attention.

          Coworker: “Why is there a steak with my surf and turf special?”

          Everyone on the table is stunned to silence. Then, the server clears his throat.

          Server: “Um, ma’am, a steak comes with the surf and turf. It’s right there on the menu.”

          Coworker: “No, it said a fish fillet!”

          The manager grabs a menu that happens to be nearby.

          Manager: “No, it’s a fillet steak. That’s the ‘turf’ part of ‘surf and turf’. It’s steak and seafood.”

          Coworker: “But it said fillet! I was expecting a fried fish fillet! Don’t you folks have fried fish fillets?”

          The server looks a bit alarmed.

          Server: “Sorry, ma’am, we don’t serve fried fish.”

          Coworker: “Are you sure? I’d really like some fried fish to go with my lobster tails.”

          Server: “Sorry, ma’am, we don’t have anything like that.”

          Coworker: *Resigned* “Well, okay…”

          I and other people on my end of the table were trying to not laugh. She kept grousing all through the meal about how she had expected “a nice fried fish fillet” and had never ever heard of a steak being called a fillet before. The servers were bewildered enough by her, but he turned a bit pale when the manager then requested some ketchup to put on his steak! He complied, but it was a strange meal.

          I made sure to slip the server a twenty out of sympathy; he smiled and we both rolled our eyes at them. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with them on a day-to-day basis anymore!

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